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i made this story for a school essay plz check over my writing so i can get a good grade thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry if there are some spelling errors or stuff like that i will fix them.

THE WAY WE ARE

I had always been shy as a child some may have even called me weird I barely had any friends in fact I had none but that all changed. it was my second semester maybe in the early April at my new school prince high I had always picked the seat in the back corner on the left side and normally no one would sit next to me. almost hallway through the class a girl busted through the door I guess you could say she looked ill very skinny and weak in the knee's she trembled to the seat next to me I looked at her as if she was crazy no one has ever sat next to me before did she even know who I was? she looked around the class everyone was whispering and pointing at her she looked at her desk ashamed of herself. the teacher finally spoke up " I see you are late...." " its Amelia miss" said the girl still looking at her desk. " I expect you not to come that late again Amelia I was told to expect great things from you, know back to work class" the girl started to slowly look up at the board but then turned to me. " are you an outcast to?" "I guess you could say I am." " perfect lets meet up after school in the front near the pick up line" she said with a grin I was so confused what was she planning in that head of hers. it was five thirty I had been waiting for more than twenty three minutes where was she? she ran out tears in her eyes and then she tripped a boy came out of the school with gun in his hand bared to the girls head. " why are you doing this please don't hurt me" tears where running down her face " don't you want to be freed from this world as sick as you are we might as well say you have cancer am I right I know I am don't think of this as I'm doing it just to do it don't you wanna end this pain all this suffer that you have faced over the years" he said laugh with a sick look on his face " your just like me sick so whatcha say lets end this together." i didn't know what to do i stood there in fear but then something happened to my body my legs started moving they where running towards the boy but then he panicked and pointed the gun towards me his finger on the trigger i was only a couple feet away from him. his finger slowly pulling back the trigger i saw a very faint silver bullet come out and shoot me in the stomach i fell back clutching my stomach screaming with pain and then everything went dark. she saw me close my eyes and ran over to my body holding me in her arms but it was to late the boy picked up the gun again and put it to the girls head he pulled the trigger the last thing i could see was her face sickly ill I looked at her will a smile and then she collapsed the last picture of her holding me in her arms.

THE END

Sagot :

Reepip

Answer:

I think it's good

Explanation:

But melodramatic. o.0

jameelahbrownart

Answer:

You do have some grammatical errors here... But I'll help you! You can copy and paste this if you need to. All you needed to do was this (below)

I rewrote it, but with little to no errors. Its still your story.

I changed it to:

THE WAY WE ARE

" I had always been shy as a child and some might have even called me weird. I barely had any friends in fact, I had none. But all that changed. It was my second semester in early April at my new school, Prince High. I had always picked the seat in the back corner, on the left side. Almost no one would sit next to me. Almost halfway through class, a girl busted through the door. I guess you could say she looked ill, very skinny, and weak in the knees. She trembled to the seat next to me as I looked at her as if she was crazy. "No one has ever sat next to me before. Did she even know who I was?", I thought. She looked around the class and everyone was whispering and pointing at her. She looked at her desk, ashamed of herself. The teacher finally spoke up. "I see you are late....", she said. "It's Amelia miss.", said the girl, still looking at her desk. "I expect you not to come that late again, Amelia. I was told to expect great things from you. Now back to work, class." Said the teacher. The girl started to slowly look up at the board but then turned to me. "Are you an outcast too?" She asked me. "I guess you could say I am." I told her. "Perfect, lets meet up after school in the front near the pick-up line." She said with a grin. I was so confused. What was she planning in that head of hers? It was five thirty and I had been waiting for more than twenty minutes. Where was she? She ran out with tears in her eyes and tripped and fell. A boy came out of the school with a gun in his hand and put it to the girls head. "Why are you doing this? Please don't hurt me!". Amelia pleaded as tears ran down her face. "Don't you want to be freed from this world? As sick as you are we might as well say you have cancer, am I right? I know I am. Don't think of this as me doing it just to do it. Don't you want to end all this pain, all this suffering that you have faced over the years?", he said laughing with a sick look on him face. "You're just like me, sick. So what do you say? Lets end this together." Said Amelia. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there in fear. But then something happened to my body. My legs started moving! They were running towards the boy! He panicked and pointed the gun toward me and put his finger on the trigger. His finger slowly pulling back on the trigger, i saw a very faint silver bullet coming towards me. It shot me in the stomach and I fell back clutching my stomach and screaming in pain. Then, everything went dark. Amelia saw me close my eyes and ran over to my body, but it was too late. The boy picked up the gun again, put it to the girls head, and pulled the trigger. The last thing I could see was her face. Sickly ill, I looked at her with a warm smile. Then, she collapsed. The last picture of her holding me in her arms.

THE END

Explanation:

Hope this helps :)

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