how do u feel when you read this ?????????

I’ve spent my whole life trying to run from that feeling that of being lonely that feeling of being lost
That feeling of being sick when the light turn off that feeling of depressed that feeling of being anxious that feeling of screaming to god begging him to take this only to get silence in return I’d lay in that bed crying and id toss and id turn and i turn and i toss to this day the doctor gave me medication the pastor said to pray i tried both and still hasn't gone away so forgive me if i fantasize about being gone today i'm an actor who got really good at being on today but when turn off i go right back into the shadows i'm in the deep-end but i started in the shallows i might just drown my self in these waves suburban hell these homes are all graves everyone's coping with something but won't admit it they're all too afraid and these kids are glued to watching me what do i say if i'm honest with them maybe they won't think highly of me everything they want me to be is what i'm dying to be but everything i really am is what i'm not trying to be