Answer:
A-
Explanation:
Introduction:
Avoid using second person in your hook. You can rephrase this by saying:
"Observing someone's speech and behavior gives insight on their personality."
Watch your capitalization! You need to capitalize proper nouns (Nelson Mandela).
You need to put a comma, not a period, before "that is why"
You can improve your thesis. Remove much...your thesis can stand without it. Remove the "that is why" and go straight to "I think."
I like the flow! You have established your ideas, but you need to also map out what I should expect in your body paragraphs. You can do this by introducing each one in one or two sentences between the hook and thesis.
2nd Paragraph:
Tighten your sentences! "All over the world" can be changed to worldwide.
Repetitive. "Iconic" and "icon" in the same sentence? Find a synonym for one of those words and replace it.
Put 'as' before "the son of a tribal leader." (I'm not sure if the same sentence is a run-on. From what I understand it's the tribal leader who achieved these feats?)
"He joined"; The person who takes on this pronoun. Change it to the proper noun of the person you are referring to.
3rd Paragraph:
Find a way to shorten your first sentence!
"...he stepped up the fight"
1) Change he to Mandela
2) Stepped up sounds a bit colloquial(informal)..change it!
Change "aims" to "goals"
Conclusion:
Again, avoid using second person (unless your teacher specifically asked for it)!
We can rephrase the first sentence:
"Contributing to positive change in society is admirable in the sense that actions are more powerful than words."
Use the same formula w/ the other sentences that involve first person. (You could also easily change it to 'a person', etc)
Concluding sentence: "Every person has the capability to make a positive difference in their life and in society regardless of age or experience. The proper act to take is performing on one's own volition by pursuing one's dreams and passions."
This is a change you can make to it.
Hope this helped! ^^
