Answer: Being estranged from your adult son or daughter can be extremely painful. Repairing a relationship is possible, but it takes time and will require patience. As the parent to your son or daughter, recognize that the first steps to repair the relationship fall on you to try to initiate contact, whether or not you believe you did anything wrong to cause the estrangement. Honor the boundaries your adult child has set with regards to your relationship and do not push back against them, but set your own boundaries as well. Learn to accept your adult child for who they are and acknowledge their independence and ability to make their own choices.
Once you have a sense of what has gone wrong, you will have some time to think through your next steps, and what you want to communicate to your son or daughter.
Reach out to your adult child and ask. You could say, “Renee, I know you aren’t speaking to me right now, and I would like to know what I have done to hurt you. Could you please let me know? It’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me, but please write or email. I can’t fix the problem if I don’t know what it is.”
If you do not hear a response from your son or daughter, you could get in touch with another family member or mutual friend who might know what’s going on. You could say, “Jack, have you talked to your sister lately? She’s not speaking to me, and I can’t find out what the problem is. Do you know what’s going on?”
While discovering the reason behind the estrangement would be optimal, be aware that you may not be able to find out what is going on. However, don’t let that stop you from pursuing reconnecting with your child.
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