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Sagot :
The sentences here are all simple sentences and all begin with the same word.
Why should the paragraph be revised?
A paragraph is used to show a complete thought. It is important that a paragraph ought to be presented in complete sentences. However the sentences here are all simple sentences and all begin with the same word.
The reasons pointed out above makes the paragraph appear clumsy and boring to read. The writer should revise the paragraph and introduce a more complex sentence structure as well as the use of pronouns where neccessary.
Learn more about paragraphs:https://brainly.com/question/24460908
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